This is my baby and her dad (my partner). I think we took this on a Monday. Usually, Mondays and Tuesdays are the days we are off together. He’s really into skating, so we’re always in the local skatepark in Compton. It’s a place for us to get out of the house and be in the sun. Alma is so curious and down to do new things. Look at her on the board; she’s just being herself.

When I was pregnant, we’d always imagine what our daughter would be like. The things she’d be interested in or the things she’d do. In a way, this is my partner sharing what he loves with her. We almost didn’t go to the park this day, but then we did go. We were grateful to go outside to spend that time together.

In Compton, there are definitely a lot of parks here and there. They’re not quality parks by any means. The park is in ruins. The slide is cracked down the middle. The floor underneath the slide is peeling. It’s very unsafe. Usually, there’s caution tape on the playground equipment. On the flip side, the community members have taken ownership. All of this art, you see, is my boyfriend and his friends using their money to make the space look and feel good. The city has painted over their stuff a bunch of times, but maybe the city got too overwhelmed because this work has been here for a minute untouched.

As a mom, as a new mom, and as a first-time mom, you have to learn how to be comfortable with your partner parenting in the way they parent. You have to trust them. Part of being a parent is allowing your partner to parent. This [parenthood] is something that we wanted and nurtured. We’re learning so much about ourselves. Parenting and motherhood are very humbling. We think we know everything until the baby comes. I could write a book about all the ways becoming a mom has humbled me. We imagined what this would be like, and it hasn’t gone that way. It’s definitely a good thing, though.

We need to be present and take up space. As a Black mom, as a mom with a baby with a disability, it’s important. We need to be unapologetic and be there because we belong. We live in a messed-up world. I don’t think people are that way, but social norms are. It isn’t right. We’re teaching our baby that it’s okay to be who you are, as you are. And so, we let her be who she is.

This is my son having his fun time outside. He really enjoys having a good time outside. I think people are so used to being inside and letting kids be on devices. It’s crazy because you’ll see a one-year-old that knows how to use a phone or an iPad before they know their ABCs. For the most part, we try to go outside so he can be active and enjoy the day. It’s been gloomy, and this particular day was really nice. We came back from running errands, and it was still nice outside. We went on a walk, and then I got his wagon. Eventually, I asked if he wanted to play with his bubbles. It all snowballed because sitting outside was not the initial plan. Once I got the bubbles, I got the blanket; then I got some water, then I got some snacks. We ended up sitting out there for about an hour and a half.

It’s easy to turn CoCoMelon on, especially for stay-at-home moms like me, to ensure our kids are occupied. I do my best to try not to fall back on electronics because I don’t want him to be dependent on them. I want him to know we can do other things outside of sitting on the couch. This is one of his favorite things to do, and I’ve realized this over time. He loves going on walks and seeing cars, planes, and trees. I try to make it a point to be outside even though I don’t like it. I like being inside, but if it’s something he likes to do, I make it a point to do it because it makes him happy.

Motherhood is a lot of things, but this picture represents taking the time to genuinely spend time with your kid. It can be overstimulating when you’re with your kid 24/7, so it’s easy to put them to the side to give yourself a break. Motherhood can be very draining. There are a lot of days when you can feel exhausted, but you look over, and you have to find some type of energy to move forward. Regardless, having this time and these conversations with our children is important because it helps them develop. At the end of the day, I’m not raising a baby; I’m raising a man. Even if it’s at least 20 minutes at a time of undivided attention, it matters. It’s hard to juggle my chores or self-care, but I still want to make sure he knows he can still have my undivided attention.

I hope this reminds people to be in the moment with their kids. It’s tempting to have your phone out to take pictures or record. My son is only one, and he realizes when I’m on my phone, I’m not paying 100% attention, so they notice these things. Soak in the moments and learn about your kids. At the end of the day, it’s all a choice. You don’t have the answers when you’re a mom, but you may also not want help. We all want the best for our kids. Being open and willing to be educated on certain things can help ease the hard times of motherhood. Many people have to unlearn what they went through to learn how to be a better parent, and sometimes it’s your child teaching you what you need to know.

Those are my four children and my husband in the back. We’re eating dinner together at home–most likely, we’re finishing dinner. My husband made chocolate chip cookies, so we’re eating dessert together. Eating together is something we really work on. There was a time before that they would sit down, and I would just come to the living room and eat by myself. I would do that regularly. I just wanted to eat. I just wanted a moment to myself. The kids would ask me to sit with them, but I felt like motherhood had been hard for me. Being a mom is something that I never expected to be. I always felt like I just didn’t want to do it. Now, to my surprise, I have four kids, and I love them very much, but it’s been the hardest and most challenging journey for me.

My husband’s very, very supportive. He does a lot, and he does even more than his share. I feel like my kids are wonderful, but it’s just hard. I think, once you feel like, “Oh, everything’s okay,” something else comes along–like knowing my son’s diagnosis of epilepsy. That’s been really hard. I just didn’t even know that you could hurt so much as a person. He has to be on medication now, and he was throwing up last week. I feel like I’m poisoning him, but this is the medication that’s going to help him live longer. This is the medication that’s going to help not damage his brain. Being a mother brings new levels of pain and hurt.

On the flip side, it also brings new levels of joy. I do feel like I couldn’t see my life without each one of them. I feel very blessed but still feel I’m in the thick of it. I’m in the trenches, where everything is just so challenging. For the first two years, you don’t sleep or even have time to sleep or rest. It’s just like one thing after another. You hear other families go on vacations, or they go to ballet, or they go to soccer, and they have all these activities. I can’t afford that. When I am present and here with them, they prefer to be with someone else, so that’s hard too.

Eating dinner is our time together. In this picture, I was actually trying to focus on my husband because he was making me laugh. He thought his face was in the photo, so he was smiling. But I intentionally cut his head off in this photo because I always feel when I go to meetings and things like that, people always make such a big parade from when dads come. So I was like, “I’m not gonna let you take this from me; your head’s gonna be chopped!” He’s chopped because I wanted to show he’s still present.

I think, as a mother; we do a lot of serving. We usually serve by giving food, making sacrifices, or just putting their needs in front of us. You know, how people are super affectionate and things like that? I really don’t think I’m super affectionate. My love language is to serve. It’s essential that we spend time with one another, not isolated. It is essential for us to know each other and to grow as people. I really want to be present because my mom wouldn’t ask me what was wrong. She wanted me to suck it up and just be somebody different. I really try not to be that crazy, Mom, but I feel like I need to. I just need to make sure that they’re okay. When I see little girls talking back, my God of fire lights up inside me, so much anger. It’s sad because no one let me be that fiery child. No one let me speak back and give my ideas or opinions. I just let them be who they are because I wasn’t allowed.

I just want everyone to know that every moment is special. Even the things that we do on a daily. Every moment in time is important. Something that is as simple as eating together can be a moment where we can just visibly see each other and be in the same space together. These moments are the ones that shape who our children will become.

It was Easter Sunday, and we were late for church. I didn’t have anything to wear. I was just really irritated. She’s getting better at getting her hair done, but she’s just like me when I was a kid. I hated when anyone was in my hair. I hated anything in my hair. She was moving her head a lot, which made me very irritated. I kept telling her to sit down. I was trying to get my parts straight. I’m trying to oil her scalp and get everything together. She was moving a lot. She was trying to look at her iPad. I was trying to sing songs to her, but it wasn’t working. I had a very irritated look on my face because I was trying to comb her hair out. I was also irritated because we missed church. You see, she got her dress. I was just trying to get her together.

I was trying my best to make sure that she looked her best. I had no hair accessories for her because we were at Grandma’s house. I had to cut off a ribbon from a birthday present. It was definitely a “make something shake” type of day. We had to do what we could. We had to make it work. She was “living room ready” because she didn’t even end up going anywhere. She and my other younger cousin are the only two kids in my family right now, so we put the eggs out for them. They did a little egg hunt and had Easter baskets. They wore their dresses and had their hair nice, so it was a cool Easter day.

Although my world was falling apart, I had to make sure that hers was together. I had to make sure that she didn’t even see that so that she can have the best Easter ever. I was in the living room with a sweatsuit on. I didn’t have a retwist, but my baby looked amazing. With the photos I posted on Instagram, nobody would have ever known I was back there with a hat on, looking crazy because my daughter was good. I had to put everything I was going through aside to ensure she was together and well taken care of. I couldn’t let those emotions go with me all day. So at that moment, I was irritated. Yes. I felt it, and I let it move on. I let it pass because I wasn’t gonna let it mess up our day. That’s common in motherhood. Sometimes you’re gonna have those bad moments, but you can’t let it hold on to you all day. You’re gonna have to put your big girl pants on and do what you need to do to make sure that your kids are okay. That’s what I do. That’s motherhood.

I also feel like any Black girl knows the feeling of getting their hair done between their mom’s legs. I know they relate to their mom being irritated when doing their hair. We have to make sure that our hair is presentable. Being a Black mother, I’m not gonna let my baby walk out of the house looking crazy. As a kid, I would think, “It’s not that serious,” and never understood why my mom was so irritated. Now that I’m a mom, I see what my mom was talking about. I was moving too much and messing up her parts. I feel like anybody can relate to this. Mother or daughter or just being a Black girl in general. They know how it is to get your scalp greased, put the gel on, the balls, the barrettes, and the ribbons. Everybody knows that feeling. What makes this funnier is that my mom is the one that took this photo. She thought it was funny.

Everything comes full circle. We’re teaching the new generation because now we are the mothers. We learned from our mothers; now we’re passing it down. And you know, one day, my daughter will be sitting with her daughter between her legs, trying to do her hair on Easter Sunday. It’s a beautiful thing. I think it’s the bonding of it. It’s a right of passage. It's ritual.

My boys and I are walking in our alley to get to our car. This is a daily routine. The boys had spring break and are on their way to daycare. I had my backpack on because I was on the way to work. I was actually wearing a blazer and carrying another one for my boss. I was preparing for one of our events at LBCC. We were providing resources in collaboration with the Department of Probation. It was just a long day.

This represents the power of resilience in mothers. Regardless of how we feel in the morning or in general, we have to get up and get through the day. We do what we must do so our children can have a good future. I was a single parent, and providing opportunities for my children is important. It’s my main thing, to be honest. I am in the process of going from survival to thriving. As tiring as it is, my journey has been defined by resiliency. I hope we can get to the end goal of feeling at peace.

Motherhood is hard, but we’re moving forward. The boys walk beside me. I like my boys next to me. I don’t like to lead them. I don’t like to be behind them. I want to help guide them and be beside them. Having a physical mother there present is critical. It’s important to be your raw and authentic self because they’ll be able to process emotions. It’s contradictory because sometimes I don’t want them to see my emotions. I don’t want them to feel like my emotional needs burden them. There’s still some trauma to be healed, and I don’t want to put that on my children.

Being self-sufficient is very important to me. We need to ensure we provide resources and opportunities for mothers so that they can advance in what they want to pursue.

This is an exhausted mom with a bad back. It’s 6:45 am, and I am ironing my children’s clothes for school. We’re actually running late, and this is routine. More than likely, I’m hollering at my kids to tell them what they need to be doing at that moment. Meanwhile, they’re probably laughing at something inappropriate like the word “booty” and just wasting our time. After my daughter took this photo of me, it was peaceful. Then it went back to the usual. It’s just a roundabout of me fussing to make sure everyone makes it to school on time.

Most single moms do this daily. This is life from Monday through Friday unless there are any changes. Right now, we’re in this world where perfection and beauty are prioritized (and there’s nothing wrong with that), but I don’t want to be that person. I have two kids. It looks good on the surface, but I am struggling. I’m tired. I don’t want to iron their clothes. I want to get back in bed. Why am I doing this and not their dad? There are a lot of emotions that come with it, like exhaustion or even fear of doing this right. I’m doing this on top of working full-time and owning a bookshop. It’s overwhelming. I feel like many single parents relate to that.

This is everyday life, and it exists because no one else will do it. I have this deep fear, and it leads back to white supremacy. If my children go out into the world looking disheveled, especially my daughter, where there’s only a handful of Black children, they will treat my children differently. If I don’t comb their hair, grease them, and ensure their Factory 2 U pants are crisp, I fear they will bother my babies. This is on top of them being Black. If I don’t make sure they look okay, I feel like I’m not doing my best as a mother. I want my children to feel free and be able to get dirty because they’re children, but I feel like they are going to get harassed. I let them have their moments, but I have to tell them they still have to act a certain way.

We can learn to give grace to mothers and their children. I am just now learning to reach out and ask for help. I like being an independent woman, but I need help. I just expressed this to their father, and he now comes in the morning to help me get them ready. It flows so much better now. Since taking this photo, I’ve leaned on the shoulders of people I normally wouldn’t have. This is no shade to anyone, but I’m too damn independent. As a community, mothers, women of color—especially Black women, we need to lean on each other a little bit more and not be afraid to be vulnerable. I’ve always been forced to do it myself, and I do because not everyone can help you. I saw my mom do so many things by herself and never cry, so I thought I could do it too. Now I see the women I know who have done this for many years who are approaching their 70s and are tired and lonely. They’re not lonely because of the lack of a significant other. They’re lonely because they don’t know how to ask for help and lean on sisterhood when needed. I’ve seen my mom do it alone for so long, and I don’t want to do that. People didn’t know I needed help because I didn’t communicate. It can be simple if you just ask. Asking for help doesn’t make me feel bad anymore. It makes me feel better. I’m not afraid to say I need help now.

If you look like me or are in the same situation, I want you to know there is hope. Things get better. Each day I find more joy and thrive in my own little way. It’s funny because, since this photo, everything has been so much better. I’m feeling safe.

I am Sandra Mejia, a small business owner who works too much. In this photo, I’m happy to be on a small getaway with my family. It is around 3 pm, Mom is starting dinner, and we have just arrived at our mini staycation in Joshua Tree. I’m making my son’s favorite meal, pollo asado.

Motherhood is all about balance. We are all super busy, but our babies will never be this small again. We are forced to hustle all the time. We live in a society that makes us believe that we can’t enjoy each other or our families because we always have to work. Alem forces me to slow down a bit and find ways to enjoy life and make memories with him. We can change our mindset and enjoy life a little more with the people who matter the most, like our children.

We’re at home, and this is my son and me. We’re at the little table where he eats in the corner. It’s like his play area/wall where we put up his drawings and, you know, posters that interest him. I’m a school psychologist, and I had a big focus on child development. I want him to, from an early age, understand his power in art in expressing himself. I want him to know that we’re proud as long as he’s trying. So this is more of a recognition of everything he’s done, so he can have a visual. I also have a poster of emotions. He’s young, but I want him to understand the emotions so he’s not always sad or mad. This is more of a space that belongs to him, and he gets to pick his artwork or posters of Monster Jam or NASCAR if he likes them. He likes talking about it and sharing it with people that come over.

He’s also an employee of my new business. He puts the stickers on the oregano shot bottles. So, here I’m giving him directions on where to place the sticker. The bottles are tiny, and I’m a little perfectionist. I want him to have the sticker centered and the words not upside down. Here we’re discussing where to place the stickers on the bottles. I pay him for helping me put the stickers while I go and make the oregano shots.

I started this business, really, because I want to have more time to spend with him. I want to be available for him. I want him to know that he can follow his passion, but it also takes dedication and hard work. That’s why I have him involved. I want him to know the responsibility and what it is to earn money. He works for every toy he has, but we get it for him. We want him to understand that we work for it so that he knows it’s because we’re working when Mama or Papa is not around. I just really want him to know that he can be independent. He can be creative and successful.

This is relatable because it’s an interaction between a mother and a child, a parent and a child, or a guardian and a child. It’s not just instructions or directions on what to do but a moment of communication and a vision. I tell him that this is what’s going to make us millionaires. This is just empowering each other. I think that’s really important for children and parents to have. It can be as, you know, a moment where you’re telling your child how to set a table or how to fold clothes. It’s an opportunity to have a conversation and give them space to grow and share thoughts as well.

For the most part, we sometimes don’t consider children as souls that can identify with emotions or have valid opinions. It’s like, “Oh, you’re six,” or “You haven’t lived life.” They’re the closest thing to God, you know. They have a clear channel and clear spirit. They have really valid opinions and being able to share with your parents what you think is important. You want to develop that relationship. At times, do I always want to listen to his stories? No. I don’t relate to cars. I don’t get excited about Bubba Wallace or NASCAR, but it’s important to him, so it’s important for me to listen.

This picture represents balance. It’s me being a mother and exploring my creativity. This is my idea [the oregano shots], but it takes his help and the family’s help. We are a unit, and we are a family. At the same time, we’re individuals, but if we come together, we’re stronger. And that makes a stronger foundation. We’re developing not just as individuals but as a family. We’re growing.

I would like anyone to see this and understand that a community of friendship and family can be very helpful in supporting you. We have to, at times, take advice and suggestions from others and accept help. As mothers, we are expected to do so much and everything and, you know, still, be successful and be fit and young and pretty and smart. We need help. I’m the school psychologist, a professor at LA Harbor, and the person who just started her business. I am that person because I have a village. I am that person because I have my mom, my father-in-law, my mother-in-law, my husband, my son, my sister, my friends, and my community. They urged me, and they did it with love. If anything, I would want this just to be a really encouraging picture. Step out and hop on that “I’m going to become a millionaire” dream. I can do it because it’s my birthright. It’s my birthright to be happy and to be successful. Do you know what I mean?

As a community, if we can come together more and just show what we’re doing, it would help. I grew up around where I live now and didn’t graduate high school; I received my GED late, was on GR, went to LA Trade Tech, and was there for seven years. If we can just have more role models or people willing to come out and say, “Hey, I did it this way. Maybe it’s not perfect,” or “I took this route,” it would help. I feel like we don’t share enough. I’m truly blessed and honored that my best friend can mentor me, like. I can’t imagine. I wouldn’t know where to start if she hadn’t shared that with me.

Being a mother is a true blessing. And although it’s hard and one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done, nothing brings me that gratitude or that energy that my son gives when he hugs me. This emotion, this feeling, this energy is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. It’s a true honor. It’s a blessing. At times it’s overseen and taken for granted, not just by husbands or families, but including ourselves. As moms, sometimes we take it for granted. It’s important to remind myself that this is an opportunity to grow, especially if we do it together.

Here’s Telfar with my daughter’s Baby Shark toy. It was just a normal day of me getting ready. I used to carry a baby bag, but then it became too much to carry a baby bag and a purse. So, I use this bag to put everything in it. It’s easier this way because it’s bigger and more stylish. Maybe it’s just my way of still being myself, which can be hard sometimes.

I’m not just myself anymore. People never see moms as just a person. They see them as moms first. This isn’t a bad thing, but it limits you. You can’t have an irresponsible moment because you will be judged as a mother rather than just a person. My friends always mention how I never carry a baby bag. Yeah, my kid’s a baby, but a certain bag won’t change the fact that I’m a mother. It’s just holding the stuff I need, so why can’t I just wear what I want?

Motherhood looks different for different people. Every mom has their choice of bag, just like they have their own way of being a mom. When people don’t see that I don’t have the newest stroller or follow the newest mommy trend, they look at me weird. These things don’t matter. I want moms to know that a lack of resources doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. Who cares about that stupid stroller or another new thing they’re trying to push? They’re going to grow out of it.

Everything doesn’t work for everyone. You have to have a sense of yourself. Otherwise, what are you teaching your baby? I’d hate for my daughter to become a mom and just stop being herself. Moms are looked at like superheroes. Being a mom has so many expectations. When you’re a mom, you’re a reflection of your kid just as much as they are a reflection of you. People want to see a generic, cookie-cutter mom. For so many people, that’s unobtainable. I would never want to put obtainable goals on my kid. I wouldn’t want that for her, so why would I do it to myself?

And it’s not that you lose yourself completely when you have a kid, but sometimes it’s hard to live for yourself. Because you’re a mom, you’re always expected to put your kid first. Not all mothers have the privilege of just being a mother. For moms, it seems like it’s all or nothing. It seems like dads are doing fine as long as they do one thing. Always ask a mom how you can help them. It can be time or validation of feelings. We go through a lot in the transition to motherhood, and we all need different things. It’s one of the hardest jobs ever, and we’re all different. Be kind. How we live teaches our kids how they should live.

This is one of my really good friends. Her name is Sydney Porter. She’s actually a professional model. I felt that she would be perfect for this project because she knows cameras and posing. She knows lighting and all that good stuff. So basically, we had a little photoshoot at her house with the babies. In this particular photo, we saw a flower bush outside her window and thought it would be perfect because it’s springtime. It’s just us tickling and playing with the babies for the photo.

It was actually hard getting this photo. We were trying really hard to keep the babies from running because they absolutely love being outside. This is us trying to keep them still. It’s like pulling teeth. They wanted to touch the grass and, you know, walk around, run, and play with each other. Trying to get them to sit down for those three short seconds was literally chaos. They’re energy in motion in its purest form. They’re always moving and just bouncing off the walls and, you know, burning that energy off. I think it’s a lot of fun, for the most part, when you can flow with it. When you’re not constantly resistant to their behaviors, it makes for an easier and more fun experience.

I work with mothers often. I am a certified doula. I am also the founder of Village of Mothers, an organization that meets with women multiple times a month, virtually and physically, to provide them with resources, mental health sources, outlets, tools for spiritual practice, and much more. When I look at this photo, I see that women desperately need support in ways that they’ve never been supported. I get a different perspective because I’m a doula. My job is actually to come in and support women. What a lot of people don’t know is that hundreds of years ago, we actually lived on communal land. We were able to be. We had support systems outside of just someone doing a particular job to support women in this way.

In the photo, my friend Sydney is pregnant. One of the reasons I also wanted to go over and do this project with her was that I wanted to visit her and bring her some offerings. I wanted to just exchange with her and be in her presence; because she is pregnant, she’s not as active as she once was. You kind of go into a little bit more of a hermit mode when you’re pregnant, and I wanted to make sure that she felt that I was there for her. We set up a schedule for me to visit her weekly. This isn’t even a service that I’m doing for her. This is just because she’s my very, very close friend. I want to encourage more people to start to get into the mindset of what it is to be in their divine feminine energy, aside from getting your hair and nails done. We need to know what it means to be a sister, a friend, a daughter, and a support system. I want people to feel more comfortable in learning what the role of a doula is and playing that role in a more common way. You don’t have to take on the job title, but I believe that every woman should have a doula energy inside of her.

Motherhood cannot be a healthy functioning practice without systems in place. Like anything productive, we need fundamental practices and systems for it to actually be able to thrive. I truly believe that the way that society currently functions now is not at all with mothers in mind. The new trend of people becoming doulas is one of the healthiest trends that I’ve ever seen take place. These are actual, trained, informed individuals that are coming into women’s lives to bring resources. They bring the love and kindness that every single woman needs, period.

Mothers that have support usually feel much stronger. They are much more solution-oriented. That’s what I want for many more mothers. That’s why making Village of Mothers was my priority because I wanted to show women that sisterhood is there. It’s the awareness that isn’t. Once we bridge you to other women, help you build those connections, and show you practices that help you sustain long-term relationships, a lot of your life will transform quite rapidly. I believe if men and women were more educated on the matter, they would have a different approach to what is happening, especially on an emotional level during this transition to motherhood and parenthood.

This is me feeding my son at my house. It’s a typical feed before dinner. He loves to eat. I’m a stay-at-home mom, so we’re in the house, and I have on my robe. As I’m feeding him, I’m also doing a facemask to do some self-care while taking care of him. I just have on some lip gloss to make myself feel better. I want to feel nice because I’m in the house. He’s 14 months, and I have to keep my eye on him at all times. Who knows what he’ll get into if I’m not watching? He’s crawling, and he’s starting to learn how to walk. So, I feel like the only time I have to take care of myself (if there is even time) is between feeding him or if he’s asleep. Only then am I able to do something for myself, but definitely, I wouldn’t have time to do that without multitasking.

This was me trying to wind him down before I gave him dinner and his whole bedtime routine, which included me feeding him and playing his favorite show (Blue’s Clues at the moment). I’ll typically cook dinner for us. I’ll try to feed him what I’m eating, but I’ll also like to adjust to his needs. So let’s say I made ramen, some wantons, and some orange chicken last night. For him, I just made him his own set of noodles and chicken. I didn’t put too much seasoning on it because the noodles have a lot of sodium. And so, I’ll feed him dinner and let him watch the show. After that, I’ll give him a bath and let him play with his toys in the bath to get all that energy out. Then I’ll take him upstairs, dry him off, put on his pajamas, wash his face, brush his teeth, and then probably read him two to three books. Then, I’ll feed him again, and when I feed him, we listen to Miles Davis’ Blue and Green. As soon as he hears that song, he knows it’s time to go to sleep. I turn off the lights, and he’s usually knocked out by that time. That’s typically the routine.

What you’re seeing is balance. You’re seeing someone taking care of a baby but also trying to take care of themselves. Even if it’s, you know, something as simple as an eye mask. Balance is very important in life— whether it’s work-life balance or just balancing between anything that you’re trying to do. It’s important to care for yourself in between, especially for mothers. Literally, you birthed a baby. You’re also birthing this new life within itself. You’re trying to figure things out. You’re trying to adjust to this new life all while your old life is existing at the same time. You’re balancing it, and you’re trying to figure it out. As a mom, you take on a lot, and you take on a lot, and you typically put yourself last. We have always seen moms being superheroes and doing it all. You never see those moments of a mother trying to do both at the same time. You rarely see moments of a mom taking time for herself.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Postpartum Depression gets to a lot of moms. I feel like just taking a moment is important, even if it’s a minute in your day while you’re multitasking or while you’re feeding your child. Do a face mask. Put on lip gloss. Do something to make yourself feel better. Dance while your baby is asleep. It’s important to take those moments to tend to yourself because I feel like you can’t fully take care of anyone unless you take care of yourself.

And to the non-moms, just check up on moms. Offer your help. Offer to cook a meal. Offer to run an errand. Offer to watch the child for 30 minutes or simply just come over to talk to mothers as the people we are. We spend so much time with the baby that we kind of lose ourselves. We don’t spend a lot of time with our friends and family. Being aware of that and seeing where you can lend a hand can change a lot. It takes a village to raise children, and I think people forget that. You see moms taking on so much, and it looks nice and inspiring from afar, but deep down inside, mothers need help. Simple acts of service go a long way.

I am a first-time mom, and I didn’t think that it would be possible for me to conceive a child because two years ago, I had fibroid removal surgery. I had two massive fibroids. I had one the size of a watermelon and one the size of a grapefruit, both growing massively in my stomach. During the surgery, my doctor told me that if I wanted to start thinking about having children, I would have to come in and see what my options were. Once she told me that, I was pretty devastated. After doing some research, I saw that there are other ways to carry a baby. Then literally, I want to say that four months after the surgery, I got the news that I was pregnant. It was a blessing because I didn’t think that it could be possible. There’s still a lot of research that needs to be done about fibroids, especially for Black women. However, one of the main factors is stress. I felt like I was so stressed with jobs and life. Once the fibroids were out, I felt like I let go of that “baby” to birth a new baby. My baby. The stress was gone, and my stomach was clear. There was room to birth a new life. I want people to know that there is a life possible after fibroids. It is possible for you to have children.

This is my one-year-old daughter, Robin, sleeping. She’s in her playpen in our room. I live in a program house, so having a room for us is a blessing. Usually, we have a routine. Sometimes, I let her watch educational videos at the end of the day. I have this sound machine with lights. When it turns on, she knows it’s time to go to sleep. A couple of minutes later, she goes to sleep, and the lights turn off by themselves. Now it’s my time to do things I need to do around the house, like wash my dishes, wash our laundry, or clean up the room. From pregnancy, until they become toddlers, this is the only time we [mothers] often seem to find our blissful peace. It’s common for a lot of us.

It’s important to share our stories and experiences. I’m in a lot of mom groups, in person and online. When I was a few months postpartum, I asked other moms how do you do a full face of makeup every day for their job. A mother noted that she did it when her kids were sleeping. If she had to wake up at six in the morning to do it, she would because it’s her “me time.”

These groups have helped me a lot, especially when it comes to a different age of parenting. Sometimes we often look to our parents to help raise our kids, but certain beliefs or approaches don’t align. These mom groups helped me with items, lending a hand or an open ear, resources, and just anything and all the above. They are there whenever I have a question or if I have a debate when it comes to parenting. I know I can come to them.

These groups need to be more accessible. I personally find it hard to find them, especially reoccurring ones. I live in LA but attend these in-person meetings in San Bernardino County. My partner lives there where we care for our daughter, so it doesn’t feel so far. When I speak about these groups to my mother, she wants to tag along. They always encourage us to bring our mothers and have just overall this bonding moment. Mom mentioned something like, “I wish I had something like this growing up while I was raising you or while I was raising your sister. There was nothing like this my age growing up.” It makes me sad to know that my mom didn’t have the support I do now because motherhood becomes your life. It’s this whole persona that you become.

As a mother, we wish for a change for something more positive. I’m self-aware that I want to change. I want to inhibit change, but why can’t I? It’s because it’s unknown to me. As a person, I don’t know how to have a proper reaction toward frustration because I’ve never seen what that looks like. It’s a lot harder to do something that we don’t know. I want to change this so my daughter can have a positive experience. It’s definitely a process, but I want to be better for my daughter. This is why everyone should be more empathetic to moms. You have to step back and kind of look and place yourself in their shoes because we’re always learning.

Offering assistance can also help moms. Moms also need to know they don’t have to do it alone. There’s this idea of being a “strong woman” and that you could take anything head-on, but why should I? You don’t have to. My group, Cherish Ministries, is having a benefit gala because it takes a lot of money to support moms. If anything, I know when it’s my time, I would love to volunteer and go back and also monetarily support them because they were able to help me when I needed it. I know there will be a mom in the future that will need my help.